Strange feeling

I'm all torn into pieces and worn out, there's no strength left. I am desperately trying to stay strong.
Everyday I fight myself and my own emotions.
I feel worse than ever.

Even so ...
One phone call was all I needed ..
I got a glimpse of happiness back.
I am still worn and torn but atleast now I have something.
There's something I can keep my sight locked on, something that can bring me through my emotions, something for me to pull myself through with.

I am very lonely though, very lonely.
I'm in desperate needs of you. I need you.

Red nights

I feel like blood is flowing from my eyes lately, nothing feels good, everything goes wrong and none is there to support me or comfort me. I have none I can lean to when I need someone.
Every night the tears flow like the nigara falls unstoppably.

I'm beyond hurt, I am beyond crushed.
I cannot stand you being mean to me, I cannot take it anymore, I'm too torn into pieces.
But even so, I need you.
I need you and I want you.

Still, you claim I'm not worth it.

Deadzone #2

Backed down

It took me a lot to back down, I backed down, APOLOGIZED, talked and were nice but I still got shit for it. I was asked how I think I did, I replied bad. I wasn't nice but considering how I feel and felt yesterday, I had been doing a miracle.

I'm back into the deadzone. Then I got forced to stay in the conversation because otherwise things would've gotten worse.

My heart aches, shakes, shivers and trembles.

I cannot find peace, I cannot relax or feel at ease. I cannot stop thinking, I can't have a nice time anymore.
I tried to talk, I got mistaken for being rude and an asshole.
I don't know how to deal with this anymore, I can't take more pain, I just want to be taken care of and be loved. I don't want to stay strong anymore :'(
I am dying inside.

I just want you by my side.

Deadzone

That moment... 

That moment when you realize but didn't comprehend, understand.
That moment you will never forget.
That moment you broke.

That moment your heart split into two after finding out the dreadful truth about something you never knew.
When your heart got crushed by the one you love, the one you thought really loved you back.
The person you gave your all to, the person you decided you would dedicate your life to.
The person who's your everything.
The person who gave you the hope in life you always searched for.

Isn't it tragic how quick everything happens?

One second is all you need to lose all hope in life, lose the only thing you truly love.
One second is all that takes for everything to turn upside down.
One second is enough to bring you down deeper than you ever been.

One second is all you need to reach the deadzone.

1.36

How to go on?

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